Well, I don't know if anyone really gives a fuck but i need to write this anyways.

As we all know, i am engaged to Steven. WOOT! I have never been more in love or happier in my entire life. I love him dearly and wouldn't trade him for the world.

Lately though, my morals and my feeling for him are being challenged Normally (as with anyone) I can fight off the intruder and just be like Ladi-freaking-da, and be on my way while leaving them in peices on the ground. But this time is different, and though im not ready to admit it, i think i have met my match on this.....wait, isn't that admitting it? O.o....

So anyways. Apparently this other guy likes me too. Well in his words he loves me. Love is a strong word, im not so sure I believe him. I used to like him too back in the day. But i gave up on him a while ago. But now that i have been hanging around him more i can kinda feel "that old feeling:" coming back, which makes what im trying to do even harder. And he knows it, and believe me, he takes advantage of it.

I've come to realize that i can pretty much resist anything he throws at me. Unless he touches me. Then its pretty much a lost cause. I try not to let him touch me, like when he comes and lays on me and i complain that he's in my personaly bubble, and if he doesn't move i projectile kick him OUT of my personal bubble.... Sometimes it gets highly irritating.

But this kid just doesn't give up. He'll keep pushing it and he knows exactly what to do to make me give into him. AND I HATE IT!!!!! I hate it because i like it.....god damn me to hell for it....

What i need from you is things to do to keep myself....erm.... strong i guess. So i dont' fall to him when he pulls this stuff on me. Because by sheer willpower i can't do it alone. And I don't want it to go so far as i be completely unfaithful to steven. I don't think it would progress that far cuz i don't think anything has progressed that far with this kid but he doesn't hold back the fact that he wants it to. Besides the fact that my friends are getting pissed at me because they think i am playing him. I don't mean to,he puts himself in the position, i told him there could be nothing between us and still he tempts me. I told him I WANTED nothing between us and he still tries to go for it. Yet im the one who is playing him. He is playing his self. I don't want this, I dont want to hurt him, I dont' want to hurt Steven, I don't want to get hurt in the process. But he just keeps lining himself up for the hurt. I told him he couldn't come first in my heart and we wouldn't have anything more than a friendship. He's the one that puts himself in the situation. I try to avoid it, but when im pinned between him and the wall and he's sucking on my ear I don't think he really cares. So its his own fault if he gets hurt because he keeps putting himself there. He cannot come first in my heart and i have told him that. Yet he doesn't seem to care..... Though I wish he would. I don't want to hurt him. If he loves me then I pity him. I told him how I felt and he continues, if he gets hurt, as i told him he would if he still persues me, then thats his own fault. But Id rather not have him end up hurt. Why couldn't he have just listened to me? Respected what i had to say? No. Dammit! :frusterated: This isn't fair to either one of us, to ANY of us really.

~The Angel Corrupted has Spoken